Released.

I finally spoke to my mom about how useless I was feeling. It pretty much all just spilled over one evening and she finally listened to what I had to say...
I feel like I can tell my mom anything, it's always just a matter of if she is willing to hear me out and not cut me off before I can tell her everything I want... no, that I NEED to say.

I still am struggling with the feeling, but it's slowly subsiding. I just don't know what I need in my life. Maybe more structure. But as I've mentioned before, having a boyfriend wouldn't be so bad. I wish I could just let it go and not worry about finding that certain someone. Ever since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I can't shake the feeling that I'm never going to find anyone else who is willing to put up with me and my quirks, and even worse, put up with me when I sin. I know Jesus loves me, and God, but what about another human?

I found a prayer/memo/message that I wanted to share:
Guard your heart
Don't give your heart away until the Lord makes it absolutely clear.
Ask the Lord to give you someone who loves Jesus more than you, who is stronger and deeper and more committed to the faith than anyone you can possibly imagine.

This is really beautiful to me because this is what I need in my life. I need a man, who is a true man of God. And I want to continue to pray for him to find me, and care for me, because I know I don't mind being the follower of my husband, as long as my husband is truly worthy of my submission. And maybe it's a little old school, but it's what makes me happy.