Soooo annoying!

First off, I had an AWESOME God-filled weekend and I would love to go into details but instead for time sake (I have 40 minutes until Church), I went on a retreat, got to meet new people, make new friends, bonfires, big-booty game, smores, worship, fed the homeless, and some more worship (i play in the band so it's awesome)... oh... and spending some more time with a certain someone.... ahhhh God get my mind off him!

Anywho, moving on to why I had to come and rant! My roommate! I haven't had any issues with her for the past 120 days or so (whatever 2 semesters minus 2 weeks is) but she recently got a boyfriend (they've been together maybe a month now) and she just constantly treats him like a little kid! She talks to him like a little kid, has to constantly tell him "no no no" like you would a little kid. She is really mean to him, calls him stupid, and honestly just is not in a healthy relationship. Sure they both love God... but honestly... this relationship in my eyes is just not good at all. I don't like to walk into the room and see him on her bed. They don't go to far but it's just akward to see them kissing. I didn't kiss my ex for 2 months... they started kissing in maybe a week. UGH. Plus, they do remind me of my previous relationship and I hate it. There is a reason I broke up with him and this is just so disgusting for me to watch. It brings back horrible memories I will never be able to get rid of. He has scarred me and I regret more than I can look back and say that I cherish.

Pranks are never a good idea...

Last night I played a prank on two boys with two of my girl friends. We ripped up lots of paper into tiny pieces and put them into bowls and then threw them on the boys when they opened their doors after we knocked. At first of course I was afraid of getting thrown from the window, the usual, but now I really ticked one off I feel like. He hasn't responded to my text message and I just feel like he's overall annoyed with me. I hate when people are mad at me or don't like me. I can't explain it and I know I should let it go but... I kind of was starting to really like this guy. He's just so cool and pretty nice to me when we get to hang out. Idk, I just was really starting to make a new friend and now I feel like I'm never going to be able to get close to guys.

It's just so awkward since my break-up... single life is not exactly as cracked up as it sounds to be. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be single than still living the hell I was in with my ex but I just really liked this guy and now I feel like he hates me.

But I deserve it. I always do. And it always happens. This is why I don't step out of my shell, I just can't get away with it like my more outgoing friends can. And I don't understand it, it's not fair! I do everything I can to be the nicest person to people and then I do one harmless prank (which by the way I suggested paper over my other friends suggestion of water) and now look at what it's done. I get completely ignored.

I know I must sound like such a whiny little girl. I don't know how to present myself on this blog without sounding like one of ... THOSE girls.... the attention hog, goody-two-shoes, has-to-have-every-guy girls... I'm not like that. But I'm sure it sounds like it.

Why can't Prince Charming just be here NOW God? I'm so sick of waiting!

I was mad...

So I was mad that last blog... obviously. And things are better this afternoon but honestly... there is still just so much on my heart. After posting that blog, I called my mom, called on Jesus, and sat down with my bible. I just feel like every time I think that my friends are so great, they don't exactly live up to their title of Christians. We're all Christians so I just don't understand why they have to bring up the divisions in the church. I always keep my mouth shut but part of me really wants to bring it up. I don't know, just pray for me please. Because honestly, I love being Catholic. People can judge us all they want, unless you study the Catholic faith, most times the judgements are made because people don't understand why we do what we do. And yeah, we've made mistakes, so what? We're HUMAN. God's imperfect people living for a perfect God and preaching a perfect love we can only hope to achieve one day.

Bible passages I found yesterday:
Psalm 88
Psalm 93
Psalm 103:2
Isaiah 41:10

Love,
Lizzy

I'm so SICK

I'm so freaking tired of being the nice guy. I am sick of letting my friends bad talk Catholics and say that we're weird. They call themselves Christians and then totally put down my faith.. even to my FACE. I don't understand and right now I am so angry that I don't want to go to their bible study anymore. I don't want to be friends with them. I don't want to talk to them or tell them anything. It's hard, but I'm going to make new friends. I am sick of being put down, being the scape goat. God, if these are your people, why are they so horrible??

Trying to study... and it's not working

Well I'm pretty sure I failed my microbiology exam but I least people can't say I didn't try my hardest. I did forget to read out of the book though like I'd been doing and that seemed to significantly raise my past test scores so I am just really bummed out that I missed an opportunity to do maybe 10 points better. Wow it makes me sick to my stomach just to think about the horror of getting that test back :(

I just want to be out of here. I can't even think with all of the crap going on. Finals are just around the corner and with that means so much more stuff to do before I leave like taking this stupid math test to see if I am even good enough to go to this school (not really but I have to pass to get into the Nursing program... it's not that it's hard it's just time consuming... 4 hours of a Saturday wasted...)

I just want to curl up under my covers and go back to sleep but instead I have CRU (campus crusade for Christ) tonight and I would not go but I play bass for it so I have to. I mean, I guess it's always fun but the friends I walk back with take FOREVER after it running around talking to people, which annoys me because it's already 10 at night and it's going to be freezing cold thanks to Ohio's amazing choice in weather this week.

Looking to my left where I keep my post-it-notes of crap I need to get done it's still pretty full. I have 6 more exams this year (in the course of 3 weeks), 1 quiz and 2 projects I have to get done. I really don't know how Nursing here is so incredibly difficult. Maybe it won't be too bad if I don't get in here and have to go to another school. I am just so sick of wasting my time with classes like Nurtrition and Psychology. Don't get me wrong, I love Nutrition and have learned SO very much from the class but the things she makes us do are just stupid. Like assessing our own diet, honestly, this is just a huge cramp in my time that is already precious little. I am wearing so thin. I don't even feel like I have time to talk to God. Which is probably part of the problem. I can't get quiet time in, fellowship time is good but prayer time is just cut in half these days. It makes me wish I was back out on the beach where life is slow and peaceful.

One day...

Rainy Days

My roommates class is canceled, no surprise there. We had a lot of rain last night, the thunderstorm started around maybe 3 o'clock and just got worse until around 11, then it slowed down but I know I heard more thunder around midnight. I love thunderstorms, so much, I just don't want to take my two exams today. Say a little prayer for me will you? I've already studied as much as possible.

Funny... not?

So God pretty much shut me up one way or another last night.

I was made fun of, once again, for being Catholic. Because, even though my other friends are Christian and say they believe in loving others, they make fun of Catholics. Like crazy. And it's always the priest jokes and seriously? I mean, come on? You can't come up with anything more original? The priests at my church are some of the most Godly amazing men I have ever known and it really broke my heart to see my pastor telling the church that he wasn't going to hug children anymore because he's afraid of placing any more hate, judgment or the like on the church's name. Which is STUPID. If other friends and family can hug children in the church I don't see why he can't. All of them are amazing men and would never do such a horrible disgusting thing like those few did and now they've ruined the love and trust for everyone else.

But... anyway... one of the guys I couldn't get my mind off of without considerable effort told one of the jokes so it just was a real big turn off and I know God is slightly behind it. He's putting my through trials right now, this isn't the first time I've been mocked by people who know I'm Catholic.

Too bad they don't know just how much closer they push me to my faith.

Fire alarm this morning

Ugh, sometimes I just don't know about this college. Besides my adviser screwing me up so I can't take online classes (long story) now we are having 2-7 am fire alarms. Last week there were ones at 3 and 4, this morning was one at 7. And the best part is it couldn't make up it's mind if it was going off or not. Finally now the halls are silent. I am hoping to actually get some studying done later today. I was supposed to meet with a girl from the multicultural bible study on campus but I am not really sure I want to anymore. I hope she will understand. After all she hasn't contacted me in a week which makes me think she forgot too. I just have so much to do and so little time to do it with the weeks flying by like this and only 2 exams left in each class ( psych, anatomy II, microbiology, and nutrition). UGH.

Hello there.

Well this is akward. I just spent the past ten minutes pumped about making this blog because it is quicker for me to type than write like I have been doing but now, somehow, the amount of time it took me to create a new email address and pseudo name for this blog just took out all my energy.

I guess the least I can do now is give you something more than just the bland how do you dos.

Here it is: I'm 20 years old. I spent from the time I was 15 to the time I was 19 in a relationship that ended a few months ago because I was growing closer to God and the boy I was dating wanted nothing to do with what I was trying to tell him. Don't get him wrong, he was religious and all that but never really cared what I was saying when I told him, I don't feel like going to second/third base anymore because it actually makes me feel like crap after and because I really know where I want to focus my life (on God) now. He thought that was me saying: I don't like you. And eventually past all his worrying that I didn't like him anymore and his guilt-ing me into doing things I didn't like, I started to actually... not like him. Imagine that?
So here I sit a few months later totally over him, no matter how much he claims to have changed I am steering clear of that mistake again. And wondering: well now what?

Well now what indeed. Here I sit, waiting. Waiting for God to show me. And trust me, it's not easy, it's not like I like saying to people "I'm going to school to be a Nurse but I still don't know what's going to happen, I'm just leaving it up to God who you probably think is just some big imaginary guy in the sky." But that's basically what I do. Thank the good Lord most of my friends are Christians since I'm involved on my college campus in an organization called CRU (Campus Crusades for Christ) and they understand. But oh boy... when I talk to anyone else it sure can get some people to shut up... or start them off... one of the two.

So my problem now is that I am a hopeless romantic and without a guy in my life I am getting antsy. It's that age you can't help it I think... so it's been hard to be patient with God and focus on Jesus while he makes the perfect guy for me. I guess this is just where I can vent for now, while I wait.

I have a lot to talk about... the other boys in my life that I don't really know about... all that I have learned so far... but I guess they will have to wait, just like me. Hopefully, we will both be rewarded with a follow up :)

Blessings,
Lizzy