Feeling Lost

"Touch me, I'm cold, unable to control.
Touch me I'm golden and wild as the wind blows."

I feel so emotional right now.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe it's anxiety with the holiday season being incredibly schizophrenic on locations... one minute home, one minute NC, then next GA, and the next PA. Maybe it's the fact that I still feel so gd lonely. And incredibly irritable. I think it's mainly my, what I could best describe as "dark side" coming out. I don't understand a lot about how my mind works, despite being stuck with the same one the past 20 years. (And here comes the spiral). I don't understand myself, how could anyone else understand me?

I still don't know where my future is going. It's like my entire life is riding on one letter. One sing piece of mail could either send me on the path I have been anticipating, or send me in the entire opposite direction that I haven't planned out, and don't dare to dwell on. Please Lord, I know I've been kind of a moronic tornado of incredibly ignorant frustrations lately, but I need this acceptance letter. I need a college that will accept me. I need a purpose in my life.

"And tumbling tumbling, don't go fascination.
If just for tonight, darling, let's get lost.
If just for tonight, darling, let's get lost."