Moved from another account

I started writing in my DA account about my life and realized that's not where I want to post deep stuff. This is. Where I am someone totally different living a different life and no one knows. So here's the stuff I took out of my journal entry on DA:


I have always been that way though, like if I get good grades and my mom doesn't lavish me with praise I feel like it wasn't good enough. Or if I do something cool and dad doesn't comment I feel like it was stupid and I'm worthless. That's one of my huge flaws though, I can be a big "people-pleaser" and I need to stop living like that.

Another note, getting out of a 4 year relationship kind of fudged me up. I am super paranoid because I don't want to see him, last time I did I went home and cried for 4 hours and felt like such a.. well.. I didn't have good self-esteem for a while. And now I feel like some of my friends aren't even able to hang out with me because what if he's there too?

Hello no one

I realize I am not popular in real life, or on the internet. I realize I never will be. So why do I keep trying like maybe if I keep trying it will get me anywhere? Maybe I need to make more things like this where I hide my real identity, maybe then I can make up someone I'm not and people will like that more. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want someone to talk to I guess and mom has always been there for me but it's just that there are some things I can't tell ANYONE. I can't tell mom, she's just a little harsh in her help. I'm single now so I have no one to turn to on that side of things. My friends don't follow the same faith so they won't help me by quoting the bible which was most of the help I got in Toledo.

Now I feel like I am just lost. I started a novena to St. Jude hoping that that will some how help me but I'm not so sure. I am feeling very much like a desperate cause though.

Will I ever find something to live for again?